What to Expect When Getting an MRI

I recently received my first MRI. I was born with sensorineural, not conductive, hearing loss, and as I've aged, my tinnitus has increased. 

The most famous person with conductive hearing loss is Lou Ferrigno, the actor who first played the Incredible Hulk in a television series. Ferrigno started as a bodybuilder. After winning Mr. Universe and Mr. Olympia, he became a nationally popular actor and a role model for anyone reluctant to wear hearing aids. Children wearing aids would surely be teased by classmates, as I was--but we could comfort ourselves watching Ferrigno turn green, an apt vicariousness. 

In any case, a doctor recommended an MRI to see if tumors were present in my ear, which would explain tinnitus. Most people will never get an MRI and should count themselves lucky. An MRI is expensive, even with health insurance, and the process is eerily similar to alien probes popularized in comic books during the 1990s. With the caveat that I am not a licensed medical professional, let's discuss more details so if you need an MRI, at least you'll know what to expect. 

1. Watch the explanatory or pre-visit online video sent to you pre-appointment. Mine was about fifteen minutes long, and ten minutes of it was essential viewing. The most straightforward lessons? Dress in casual clothing; avoid bringing electronic devices; avoid any metal objects on your body (including a bra's metal underwire); and notify staff about objects in your body (such as a pacemaker). I wore Adidas track pants, a shirt, and sandals. I left my hearing aids at home and brought my phone, which was placed in a sealed plastic bag with my name on it after I changed into a hospital gown. 

2. If you have broad shoulders, you will feel cramped once your head enters the resting area. Deal with it--it'll be over in about 20 minutes. 

3. You must remain completely stationary--even licking your lips excessively is not recommended--but the machine will move you around to get all possible angles. I licked my lips about five times and the scan turned out fine. 

4. It will be noisy. Even with earplugs and my severe hearing loss, the noise was sometimes jarring. Deal with it--it'll be over in about 20 minutes. 

5. If you want to see how the machine operates, ask the technician beforehand if it's advisable to open your eyes after the process starts. Once on my back, my eyes were closed the entire time, so I can't advise you one way or another. 

Overall, the experience is equivalent to being stuck in a Los Angeles traffic jam. You can't move out of your seat, but every few minutes, your car will jerk you forward or back several inches. Meanwhile, horns are honking all around you, and after a while, you'll be near a construction site where you will hear other unpleasant noises. Then the aliens come. Just kidding. 

© Matthew Mehdi Rafat (2021)