Speaker Johnson: a Bedsheet or a Brooks Brothers Suit
“All anyone needs to enjoy the… legislature is a strong stomach and a complete insensitivity to the needs of the people.” — journalist Mary “Molly” Ivins
America’s most evil politician dresses like an accountant, smiles like a movie star, and uses the Bible as a career manual. It’s pure poetry that a man who leads religious conservatives and looks like a fanny bellhop once advocated criminalizing homosexuality. James Michael Johnson (R-LA), unable to pursue his childhood dream of firefighting, excels at politics because effeminacy attracts a certain type of woman while ensuring fellow males are not intimidated. In a world consumed by war, the military-industrial complex can claim a geriatric president who loves aviator sunglasses because they remind him of fighter pilots and a Speaker who supports a Ukrainian proxy war so his own son won’t have to fight for the principles America forgot on August 4, 1964 and September 12, 2001.
“We’re going to fight, we’re going to fight vigorously over our core principles because they’re at odds a lot of times now in this modern era.” — Mike Johnson, October 26, 2023
“To put it bluntly, I would rather send bullets to Ukraine than American boys. My son is going to begin in the Naval Academy this fall. This is a live-fire exercise for me, as it is for so many American families.” — Mike Johnson, April 21, 2024
In his inaugural speech, Johnson highlighted fentanyl, illegal immigrants, and Israel before bringing up inflation. He did not mention Ukraine or FISA re-authorization, making this week’s events all the more curious. What made Johnson suddenly prioritize Ukraine but not border security, the IRS, or FBI reform? We don’t know, and we never will. Johnson’s choirboy persona is possible only in America, which, unlike England and Australia, allows politicians to operate without contemporaneous questioning or opposition. Such scenarios are tailor-made for Hollywood executives and propagandists, who long ago realized anything, no matter how consequential, can be sapped of substance and authenticity by bartering publicity and exposure for the right to control the narrative. And what a narrative it is.
What choirboys call “God” is merely faith in a globally-connected advertising apparatus that elevates persons into power while censoring, through litigation or distraction, anyone who dares offer opinions not approved by the billionaire backers of billions of believers. Elizabeth Holmes is the most obvious example of the “image is everything” gimmick,1 but so is post-9/11 “hero” Rudy Giuliani. Diversion tactics are so ingrained into America’s double-ocean-wide culture, almost everyone hearing the term “double tap” associates it with zombie movies rather than immoral drone policies.2 Even if people realize they’ve been hoodwinked by Hollywood into repeating a slogan to mask war crimes—or at least ensure they do not appear near page one or even page ten of online search results—what can the average voter do? File a case with the ICC or ICJ? Email a local politician or news anchor? The trillionaire warmongers stay in power through civilian billionaires, and if opposition or independent minds cannot be bought and neutered,3 bank accounts can be frozen, insurance rates made unreasonable, software code manipulated to favor expansive definitions of hate speech, or legal liability expanded.4
In Johnson’s world, God’s enemies include anyone not sufficiently pro-Israel, pro-American, or anti-Communist; anyone who raises differences between chattel slavery and indentured servitude5; and any intelligence asset who discloses how to market a person or issue in contradictory ways to targeted viewers, thereby capturing the entire spectrum of opinion.6 God’s largess is not for everyone, and under Johnson, the list of undeserving entities and persons will expand until every dollar in every private bank, every domestic and overseas military expenditure, and every Christian tax exemption is safe from investigative journalists who don’t seem to understand we’re all safer when the truth and our heroes are decided for us.
Looking back, our politicians and bankers were always promoting a society built on engineered selective ignorance. New Orleans, the most famous city in the Speaker’s home state, is a bubble. Step outside the French Quarter—a wonderful place to visit—and suddenly a wasteland of second-tier shopping malls awaits. Yet, because few tourists actually venture beyond the French Quarter, Louisiana’s positive image remains intact. If we admit American Christianity was built on slavery and segregation, and economic monopolies allowed to flourish in order to encourage predictability and racial inequality, which changed only when foreign enemies became too strong and too influential—how can anyone say, as Johnson did, that America is “the greatest nation in the history of the world” with “human dignity” as a core principle?
“I will say then that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the black and white races -- that I am not nor ever have been in favor of making VOTERS or jurors of negroes, NOR OF QUALIFYING THEM HOLD OFFICE, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will forever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any of her man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.” — Abraham Lincoln, September 18, 1858
In America, God’s superpowers are propaganda and the construction of ideological bubbles, all encouraged by a media that, until recently, ran on scripted events facilitated by surveillance. I don’t blame the image makers. With so much negative history contradicting a narrative of American exceptionalism, why not accentuate the positive, then divert attention from the truth by favoring speakers and writers who’ve swallowed your interpretation? What’s wrong with teaching MLK Jr.’s “I Have a Dream” instead of “Beyond Vietnam,” in which he castigates America’s government as “the greatest purveyor of violence in the world today”? (When Speaker Johnson tells the House, “I don’t believe there are any coincidences in a manner like this,” clearly, he’s never considered the fact that MLK, Jr. was assassinated exactly one year, to the day, after his anti-war speech.)
If such questions invite unnecessary looks into the abyss, let’s introduce more frivolous fare. Why not view Kawhi Leonard’s final shot in Game 7 of the 2019 NBA playoff series as a miracle and ignore probability?7 Or marvel at Muhammad Ali’s preternatural ability to dodge punches, so long as he had an FBI informant in his corner? Or ignore the fact that Elijah Muhammad and many others spent years in prison because they refused conscription while Muhammad Ali alone received an exemption approximately one year before the draft ended? Which story do you really want to hear? That a government jailed an old man for years, then surveilled his children, or that a champion boxer overcame all odds on his way to stardom? Would you love America more or less if you knew the Supreme Court was ready to send Ali to prison until a law clerk found a technicality allowing Ali’s appeal to succeed, and that an immigration judge used procedural rather than substantive law to prevent John Lennon’s deportation? Might there be a problem with protecting deserving individuals or promoting American “law and order” if the only licit avenue away from prison requires getting the “right” judge or the most creative law clerk?
“I come to this platform tonight to make a passionate plea to my beloved nation. This speech is not addressed to Hanoi or to the National Liberation Front. It is not addressed to China or to Russia...” — MLK Jr., fending off accusations of Russian and Chinese influence. (Sound familiar?)
If our ancestors’ mistakes are deemed misguided social engineering, is the more affluent side of the tracks today entitled to its stories, so long as most residents are kind to each other? Or do they have a higher obligation to the truth, even if it introduces thunder and lightning into an otherwise sunny day? What if the town in question is mostly children and impressionable teenagers?
Our world is extremely complex, and it won’t get any simpler. America’s progressives are ill-prepared for both the present and the future and, for various reasons, are losing the credibility required to maintain an oversight role. People like Speaker Johnson don’t use attack dogs on outsiders or civil rights protesters anymore—it’s unnecessary, not to mention uncouth, especially when you can sic on anyone the right lawyers and the right judges. The devil works best in secret, preferably in a bubble. Like God, he prefers to remain unseen. Abre los ojos, amigos.
© Matthew Rafat (April 23, 2024, from Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia)
1. Andre Agassi, who advanced the slogan, pulled it off because of his charisma, skills, and “street smarts.” He was also rebelling against nonsensical rules that impeded tennis’s growth.
3. Paramount, which owns investigative news show 60 Minutes, is about to be bought by the son of Larry Ellison, who once built a database for the CIA named “Oracle.” A competing offer by Japan’s Sony Group at a substantially higher price is being ignored.
4. Speaker Johnson represents Louisiana. Recently, Louisiana’s highest court found DeRay Mckesson, a protest organizer, potentially liable for a third-party act of violence against a police officer under a simple negligence standard. (Source: https://www.scotusblog.com/2024/04/court-declines-to-intervene-in-lawsuit-against-black-lives-matter-organizer/)
Though pundits argue speech will be chilled, they don’t seem to understand how. In Mckesson’s case, it is likely that an insurance policy—a typical requirement for a protest permit—will pay out funds to the injured officer rather than local taxpayers. However, insurance companies will certainly raise the cost of a bond or policy as a result of the Mckesson ruling, making it prohibitive for non-billionaires to organize a peaceful protest. Even affluent entities who can afford an insurance policy and police protection are already engaging in censorship. At the University of Southern California, all graduation speakers were apparently canceled for “safety reasons” after a pro-Palestinian valedictorian was denied the right to speak.
5. Or the Barbary slave trade and the Transatlantic slave trade. (Hint: why can we easily attribute racist or anti-Semitic statements to almost every Western scholar of Christian background during 1511 to 1865 but not to most or even many Middle Eastern writers or scholars during the same time period?)
6. So long as enough money is paid and enough data is available, online accounts can be targeted in ways most people do not comprehend.
7. Many athletes praise God, and not without good reason. In the West, sports are the best and perhaps most benign form of propaganda, as long as you don’t look too closely at ownership structures.
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